Cairns - Captain Matty's Barefoot Tour

CAPTAIN MATTY'S BAREFOOT TOUR WAS AN EXCEPTIONAL DAY.  Pickup at 7:30am on a Sunday morning came a bit early but knowing that the day was going to be great once I was up I got excited (like getting up for skiing).  The van holds 17 passengers who were mostly German girls, my two Irish friends, Dave and Jeff, my two new English friends, Jenna and Sarah, a French Couple, and a woman from Sweden.  The five questions Captain Matty asks everyone over the loudspeaker was age, where you are from, when you are leaving Cairns, your relationship status, and finally and most importantly, whether you scrunch or fold your toilet paper after going #2.  People were a bit more awake after this early morning bus passenger interview.  I am a folder.  Sam, my British work counterpart, and I were smart enough to buy a case of beer for the group the night before (we got the trip for free due to working at Koala Adventures) as it was the nice thing to do.  With beer on ice in the back being closely guarded and eyed by the Irish at 8am in the morning, we headed into the hills for the Atheton Tablelands.

First stop was to be the Cathedral Fig Tree (500 years old) but unfortunately closed for maintenance.  We blew by that exit and headed to Lake Eacham for breakfast and an early morning swim.  This lake was basically inside of a rainforest and before we reached it, Captain Matty described to us the dangerous snakes that may encounter as just last week someone reported running into a King Brown on the east bank of the lake on the pedestrian trail.  Captain Matty is certified in CPR, first aid, and snake bite first aid.  He proceeds to describe to us how it will go down if we are bitten by a venomous snake (the King Brown, or my favorite is the WILD and AGGRESSIVE Taipan snake).  Apparently the first thing to do after being bit is to remain calm.  Yeah, okay, I am sure.  Totally, I will just kick my feet up and pour some tea to drink and read the morning paper with two small holes in my shin dripping with juice that can kill me in an hour.  Anyway, remaining calm is so that your heart rate doesn't rise resulting in higher blood flow which results in the venom moving through your body faster and faster.  Once relaxation has been attained by the bite, he or she will then give his credit card to Captain Matty.  The credit card would then be placed directly onto the bite and the Captain would start wrapping the bite very tightly.  After wrapping that area he would then continue to wrap the entire limb (apparently 90% of bites happen on a human limb) from top to bottom.  So, why the credit card?  Firstly, some doctors in smaller medical centers (where it is best to take you as the large hospitals do not have the ability to help you quickly enough) won't help you until you have paid up front.  By having the credit card under the bandage, he has to unwrap it, resulting in major blood/venom flow, which in turn he would need to help you right then and there or watch you die.  Secondly, the credit card keeps the venom from hitting the bandages which would result in the venom being soaked up and much harder to take a sample of so that the doctor could identify which snake anti venom needs to be used to save your ass.  Thirdly, that credit card will make for a great bar story/souvenir.  That is, if you don't die before treatment becomes available, and if you make it through the 3 week sickness/hangover that the anti venom causes.

LAKE EACHAM WAS BRILLIANT; quiet, tranquil, and relaxing.  Only a couple of cars in the parking lot, our 17 travelers pretty much had the place to ourselves.  Picture a lake in the middle of a rainforest that has no shore waves, no ripples, and turtles and fish swimming in the shallows at a rate of .5 MPH.  The fish that saw us and we could see them basically were treading water and just chillin out not scared of a soul in the world.  Some lizards were on the bank too staring at us like we were welcome, but wanting to know who the hell we were and where we came from?  The core of our bus group (younger English and Irish and German people...oh yeah, and the one American like every trip; me) changed into our swimwear on the swimming dock and one by one took the plunge into the fresh, bath water temperature, water of the quiet Lake Eacham.  It is always funny how an early morning swim can wipe any past-night alcohol cobwebs right out of one's head.  After taking a group plunge shot, we dried off, and hiked back up to where Captain Matty was so kindly cooking bacon and eggs that he had bought for the group.  Some brown bread, ketchup, and bbq sauce later, we all were chomping down bacon and egg morning sandwiches.  Captain Matty is one of the best hosts I have been around in as.  From New Zealand, his long goatee and dreadlocked hair, combined with his tan, tattoos and beads, results in a seasoned and weathered 30 year old who knows two things; how to to make people feel comfortable, and everything about the Atheton Tablelands around Cairns.  Oh yeah, and he casually has guided people on white water rafts for over 7000 hours.  7000 hours.

THE WEATHER STARTED TO TURN FOR THE WORSE.  As we head to our 2nd stop, Dinner Falls and The Crater, the overcast and dry morning began to be a overly gray and wet morning.  Not a probably though as everyone was having a great time.  This stop had a very large sink hole (kind of like a cenote in Mexico) that was created by volcanic activity over 50,000 years ago.  We brought a large rock so that we could throw it off the viewing deck and into the The Crater.  We all remained quiet as this poor rock plummeted for a few long seconds and broke a big hole onto the green algae film covering the surface of the deep water.  By this time it was time for lunch and beer.  We zoomed into a town called Millaa Millaa (means water water) which has a population of 350.  At the only pub in town everyone ate steak sandwiches with chips, and cold Australian jugs of beer (two of which Captain Matty was so nice to buy for the group for his appreciation of having a full paying van that day).  I played a pull tab machine for a $1 and won $5.  Only gambling I have done this country and left a winner.

AFTER PUTTING SMILES ON THE LOCAL'S FACES AT THE MILLAA MILLAA PUB, it was time to move onto 6 more stops, Millaa Millaa Falls, Zillie Falls, Ellinjaa Falls, Crawford's Lookout, Josephine Falls, and Babinda Boulders.  Captain Matty doesn't wear a watch and is different from other tours as he doesn't say "okay you have 15 minutes to take pictures then be back at the bus"...we simply leave as a group when the concensus is it is time to leave.  Captain Matty doesn't wear footwear either (hence the BAREFOOT TOUR).  So back to the highlights.  The best was swimming under Millaa Millaa falls with my friends.  It was like something out of a novel.  Pouring down rain and a gorgeous waterfall in the middle of a tropical rainforest and I am swimming with people I have befriended in the past 3 weeks/days from all across the world.  One of the British girls and I kissed briefly under the falls just because it seemed like the thing to do.  Ellinjaa Falls was spectacular as well but no swimming, just pictures and a soft mist on the face.  Crawford's Lookout was cool to see that far into a gorge, happy we didn't attempt the 1.6KM many meter decent as we were mainly all in sandals and half drenched from the rain.  That hike would be a whole day.  Josephine Falls was near the end and was POWERFUL and INTIMIDATING.  Many young men have died here (27 since 1979 when the famous German people took the photographs that had faces in them...look it up on your own for the story).  People will swim in the top pool and be swept down the river and try to stand up and get their foot wedged into a rock gap and the raging water will break their knees/back and they will lunge forward and drown.  Captain Matty has taken two tourists out of the Tully river due to this very accident on a rafting trip that a brother raft company had lost (apparently a guide will not remove his dead as it will rattle him to much to continue his job).  So the guides help each other and dig out each other's dead.  Um, when is my rafting trip again, oh yeah, it is in a couple of weeks.
WE ENDED THE BUZZED, FUN, AND EPIC DAY with Captain Matty cooking up a sausage sizzle at the Babinda Boulders.  It was dawn and pouring rain so rather than hiking in to to see the boulders, our group stayed under cover and listened to Captain Matty's stories as we scarfed down sausage and grilled onion sandwiches, again, on just good ol' brown sandwich bread.  The stoves are cool at these places...all through these World Heritage locations, National Parks, etc, their are solar powered bbq grills that can be used by anyone.  You don't need charcoal briquettes or light fluid.  You simply hit a button and it runs on a timer and you can just leave it for the next person.  Such a novel idea I was a fan.  Captain Matty left us for a moment and went into the dark jungle and after 5-10 minutes, he came back with a Cane Toad.  The Cane Toad apparently is RUINING ecosystems as its back has a poison on it that kills anything that tries to eat it.  The Australian government has put a bounty out on this young toad's head and allows anyone to kill as many as they like.  Captain Matty does not demonstrate this killing on his tour in case it offends an animal activist so he more told us about in his backyard how he plays TOAD GOLF here and there with mates and a lot of times the toads are on fire before they are 9-ironed into the darkness of night and out of his backyard.  Overall great trip as it was great to get out of the city and away from work.  One more thing, for all of you who know how I can sleep...I took 5 naps on the bus that day (twice the amount of most of the rest of the group).  Trust me they were all very needed :)